*death.org

Category: death worries transformed via sleight-of-hand

Author's Hand: As sleight as it comes

Death. My friends and I were just talking about it yesterday. Well, we talk about it every day because we are card-carrying members of dead.org. DEAD stands for Death: Easy And Dead.

Our belief is that the only way to remove the fear of death is to die everyday. A basic membership fee covers an easy death, though revival from death does cost extra. It works in a remarkably short time for most people especially those who don't choose the revival option. There's a week-long special, seven days for the price of five, that made it affordable for me. And that's all it took. After dying daily for the week, I was cured of all death fears.

Some of us actually came to enjoy the process of dying. We think that is due to an attraction of the attributes of the state of being dead. A sense of peace, for instance (or to be more precise, the absence of the concerns of life), is quite liberating. Plus, there are no taxes, that's for certain. And I've noted the artistic influence of death on my home decor. Heaven (I've been there) is so big that there is no clutter. My apartment by contrast is small and I was, until dying, a slob and a collector. No more. I got rid of everything except room-size mattresses soft as clouds.

My only problem at this point is trying to compile enough money to die again, as often as possible. I started a home business, which is recommended in this economy, and so far, I've been successful. Paying customers come directly to my home where we have sex on the soft mattresses. My original plan was a week of sex alternating with a week of death. But it hasn't been enough. Enough death I mean. I seem to crave more and more of the death, which leaves me less and less time for the sex. But it's the sex which enables the death. That's a paradox I have to resolve soon, because it's killing me.