THE SPRING OF OUR WINTER

THE SPRING OF OUR WINTER

A 5-minute play by Sandra Jaye

Scene: A coffee shop

Characters: Nancy and Barbara, two women in their 60’s

As the scene opens, Nancy is steeping her tea bag in a cup and looking around. Barbara enters with a big grin, waving a brochure in her hand. Nancy waves back.

Here’s your tea, Barb, so you won’t have to stand in line.

Thanks. Look what I’ve brought: the travel brochures for    

Scotland!

Huh? Scotland?

We talked about it just last week. For a vacation.

I’m so forgetful these days

Nonsense! We’re in the spring of our winter. It’s too soon to start forgetting. Now what was I talking about?

Scotland.

Oh yeah! It’s got salmon fishing. It’s got bagpipe music.

AND it’s got men wearing kilts that show leg.

Well, I like fishing and music.

Nancy, your Bert’s been gone ten years now. You’re too young to act too old about men.

And you, Barbara are too old to be thinking about them constantly.

(Barbara ignores Nancy & reads aloud from the brochure):

Listen to this: "You'll step back in time to enjoy the delights at 'The Great Tryst' including - -

The Great Tryst ? What do we do, run around scantily clad on a freezing Scottish version of Fantasy Island, trysting with men?

It’s the men who are scantily clad. And ‘The Great Tryst” is a

cattle market dating from the 16th century. Drovers bring their

herds down from the highlands, then everyone celebrates.

What would we do with cattle ranchers Barb?

Offer them a wee bit of Glenturret, then steal their hearts.

So, we're to get them drunk and seduce them.

That's a crude way to put it. But yes.

I don't like whiskey.

No whiskey, No problem. The Great Tryst has its own traditional

drink. It says here you bleed a cow --

YOU bleed a cow

You bleed a cow, mix the blood with oatmeal and it makes a

kind of black paste, a pudding. You ferment the pudding --

YOU ferment.

Will you keep your mind open, please.

If you promise to keep your legs closed.

I’ll try.  Ah, here’s the perfect tourist attraction for you: a “leper’s squint.”

What’s that?

An architectural feature of medieval monasteries. It allowed lepers to observe the world without coming into contact with it.

Subtle, Barb.

Subtley isn't my strong suit. Caring about friends is.

Your caring always involves me with men wearing loincloths.

That's not true!

A few months ago you suggested an Amazon witch doctor tour.

They're called shaman now. And it's hot in jungles. What do you expect them to wear, bear coats?

No, that was part of our visit to the Tlingsat fertility and crafts ceremony near Fairbanks, last year

I told you, it was a little misunderstanding when we signed the agreement to bear their children. I thought we were saving polar bear cubs.

That didn't bother me. The tribe was very gracious when they realized we were...past our prime, shall I say. No, it was the men naked underneath their bear skins I objected to.

EVERYONE is naked beneath their clothes, Nancy. Even you.

My dear friend, I appreciate your concern but maybe I'm not supposed to be interested in sex anymore, at this stage of life.

I'm at the same stage. And I'M interested.

(Silence for a bit, which Barbara breaks)

You in or out of the kilts?

(Nancy looks through the brochure for another minute, takes a deep breath)

Here's my Visa and call me a slaggie.

Slaggie?

Ice that thaws in the Spring.

(The women smile and toast their coffee cups at each other): 

“To the Spring of Our Winter!”